Dear LIFE, i will be happy WITHOUT hatin' you ...

Dear LIFE,

You have dealt some very interesting blows, when the next one is to come, nobody knows.
we look around and more and more people are feeling each others pain because somehow in life, sometimes we lose as much as we gain, its a standard pain.
We are expected to wake up every morning with smiles on our faces but we turn on the news/radio and see nothing but sad faces
We go on because today cannot be wasted
but we lie in bed at night thinking, would we here tomorrow to taste it?

Sometimes we sit and wonder how to ponder this mockery of hope we sometimes choose to see fonder.
You leave us lying awake at night, wondering what you (life) really has to offer
When you let us create memories only to turn them into hurtful legendaries
Pray tell, does the pain ever get easier? because it is honestly, very necessary

okay okay, i guess its not fair to blame it all on you
that would be a narrow-minded point of view
But you can understand how sometimes we just need answers
because like puppets, we often feel like prancers

is it fair to ask for tomorrow to be lighter?
can we expect it just like the morning has to get brighter?

we know you are not to blame life,
afterall, living is a concept simply called 'Life'
Should we then live today as if it were tomorrow?
or should we just enjoy today as a day without sorrow?

Guess moving forward inspite of our fears
helps us dry up some of those tears
We can see beyond who we are and what we know or dont know
Just to enjoy today like a sunny day after the snow

If LIFE really boils down to choices
i guess you leave us no choice to be Happy without hating you.


Yours Truly,
WE

Where do you begin to end?

I could sit around asking what the meaning of life is After the loss of a mother to breast cancer 4 years ago and the recent loss of a father to prostate cancer barely 3 weeks ago. I could sit and ask, really and truly, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? .

I believe We grieve because we realise we have lost someone and something we can never get back. We cry not because of yesterday but because of tomorrow. How do you say goodbye to someone you have known your entire existence. Howdo you go forward thinking of a life once planned with them playng active roles. Wher e do you even begin reconstructing new patterns of thinking. Where o where do you begin to end?

I can blame life for the pain in which case i would also have to blame choices, people, lifestyles, systems, protocols and processes. I can blame a great many people until i finally bring it home and blame MYSELF. Why wasnt i there enough? Why didnt i do enough? Why didnt i fight enough? Why didnt i say i love you enough? I should feel guilty enough about all the things i should have done and destroy my happiness for tomorrow because i feel guilty enough to stop living while i am alive.

You see, Life is a very many things, endless isnt one of them and the thing about pain and grief that i have come to understand is that at every stage both before and after you deal with emotions such as anger, regret, remorse, uncertainty, pessimism, cynicism, short term memory loss, several dark phases, emotionality of various kinds, and all sorts but the one place you seem to end up at is GRATITUDE.

True healing begins with GRATITUDE. When you stop to regret the things you didnt do and start to appreciate the little things you did do right. We forget that we DONT have to do anything. Kindness, listening, loving, caring. ....... Are all constant choices we make. To us doing them might be mechanical because we are use to it but to those we show love to, care for or help, we just have no idea how much what we do or give means.

We cannot change the past neither can we live in it but we can be gracious enough to embrace the time we shared, gave, utilized and have,memories because of.

I wouldnt lie to myself or you by saying the memories arent going to be painful. I wouldnt try to deceive you into thinking it is a smooth and bumpless road. I wouldnt even tell you time would heal your wounds or mend your broken heart. I would however tell you that gratitude is the only thing i have experienced that lightens my load and helps me get out of bed in the morning with a smile. Gratitude trumps remorse. It reminds you to enjoy this fleeting life. It encourages you to do better than you did last time and it gives you the grace to be different.

If we dont question God when good things happen, why then would we question him when the bad things do. If we dont award ourselves when good things happen, why would we chastize ourselves when bad things do.

Lonely Shadows

Lonely Shadows

When you hear the words ‘Lonely shadows’, you tend to think “DUH”…lol I am not speaking in literal terms.

A lonely shadow for me, refers to a state of mind or being where you are surrounded by people, emotions, fears, visions, optimisms and actions yet to be taken that you do not speak not because you have nothing to say but because you fear no one would ever understand.

I tried to figure out why is it that we always feel like we can never say words people will understand or perhaps appreciate? Is the human emotion so scary that fear of rejection, misunderstanding or misgiving are so powerful that we feel like we have no other choice but to feel alone in the midst of many?

The truth I came to discover is, not everyone understands what you are going through. Not everyone cares, not everyone will be there to comfort you and not everyone is sad you are where you are, faced with the challenges you are faced with. We realize that deep down inside, we are indeed alone.

 People may sympathize, people may genuinely be apologetic for your situation but their smiles and laughs would still be more easily accessible than yours would. Your tears would be more readily available than theirs and your open eyes would still be the only thing separating your conscious from your subconscious when you lay in bed at night.

Though our fears are not without cause, there is an undeniable relief that comes from saying some words… even if not all.

You see, initially when you are silent, you feel the world is caving in and fear no one would find your body under the ruble until it is too late.

When you eventually speak out, you feel relief that someone knows something and you don’t have to force a smile in the midst of tears or worry about keeping a straight face when all you want to do is breakdown and scream from all the pain.

Then you soon realize speaking out has its own baggage. The incessant calls, people always checking up on you thereby reminding you of moments in your life where you would either rather forget or would like to temporarily avoid.

It is usually at that point you are grateful for people who listen but don’t speak, who hear and then wait. Who allow you live your life without being dragged down by matters beyond your control. You then realize that some people can be your shadow.

They exist to remind you about the joys of living, they help you enjoy the little moments of bliss that exist even in the midst of pain. Those people, like silent partners, let you walk ahead with the knowledge that if you need to collapse, faint or throw your head back, they’d be there to catch you and support you.

Lonely shadows, a term I believe describes the darkest point in one’s life where you are holding on to your sanity, bliss or happiness in strips. That moment where the darkness is upon you but somewhere deep down inside, you realize even shadows need a bit of light to be acknowledged.

Lonely shadows, that moment where you realize even though your life, emotions or circumstances are dark, there is always a glimmer of light somewhere that encourages you to embrace seconds of laughter, seconds of love, seconds of caring that give you that extra ounce of strength you need to go one step further.

Lonely shadows, anyone who is there for you when all you need is silence and a friendly shoulder to cry on.

Lonely shadows … who is your lonely shadow?

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE FOR ME?

i was watching the movie "The Ledge" and i began to wonder, How does a wife justify having 2 children with her husbands younger brother because she found out he was infertile (told him his results were okay) ... and says "she knew how badly he wanted kids and she wanted to give him that ...but she also wanted them to look as close to him as possible (hence the brother)" ... Now i ask, IS THIS LOVE ... sacrificial love perhaps or just plain old -wear-your-head-backwards-stupidity-masked-as-common-sense?

My thoughts began to race as i discovered beyond his anger, surely he can see method in her madness, he must see that LOVE seemt to have been her only motivation (atleast the script didnt say otherwise).

BUT I SERIOUSLY WONDER, IS IT LOVE? Sacrificial love perhaps that would make a woman make such a decision all on her own, thinking, she was doing them both a favor? Is he happier knowing he cant father a child but has 2 children anyways? I fail to see the good but i struggle to call it bad too. 

She wants to give her husband something she desperately thinks he wants but she fails to put into consideration the variable nature of the human mind. He wants something she perceives to be ultimate ... but thats him thinking he can have it so he's chasing it. when evidence is provided to support him not being able to get it, temporary disappointment would set in and then as usual LIFE GOES ON.

i honestly believe her solution although carried out from a mindset of love, had a lot of holes. she should have made it ... HIS Decision... then it could be THEIR decision. What is he suppose to see everytime he looks at them kids? what is he going to see everytime he looks at her? heck what is he suppose to say to his brother who possibly was under the same notion that he was doing something good?

i think the moral of this story is NEVER THINK FOR SOMEONE ELSE. You yourself are variable enough as it is, why make someone elses wants and needs a FIXTURE? Married or not, your life is still your life and decisions affecting it should be respected as such

UN-FAITH-FUL

Unfaithful ... A word we hear when trust gets broken and relationships wither. A characteristic of a being in turmoil, caught between a rock and a hard place. Having something you want by neglecting something you already have. A remedy to a selfish heart looking for satisfaction from a source that condones a chemical reaction. Un-Faith-ful -- your faith that was once full on 'what is' runs empty to 'what isn't'. Un-faith-ful characteristic of a traitor ... Unreliable, untrustworthy, variable and inconsistent in affection. Shakespeare says "swear not by... The inconstant moon". 


Emotions are fickle, wants are many, needs become essential and choices gain importance. Even though relationships are not as legit as an actual marriage agreement, same principles apply. You make a decision to love, respect and care for someone and you are expected to honor that decision even in times of uncertainty and manageable difficulty. 


Unfaithfulness is a very many horrible things but the thought process on this write-up doesn't aim to condemn but wishes to understand better, the relationship between 'Cause and Effect'. 


Personally, I think unfaithfulness isn't genetic, neither is it irreversible or uncontrollable. We sometimes give ourselves reasons or excuses that justify actions but we never roll the tape backwards enough to understand why we made the decisions we did to end up at the point where we need excuses for justification. 


Unfaithfulness isn't kind, thoughtful or acceptable and is possibly selfishness at its best BUT it also seems to be the adult version of a cry for HELP. 


So often we roll head first into relationships that provide us with what we want here and now and also what we think we would want once our needs change alittle bit but what we fail to adequately gauge is how well we communicate those aspirations and how likely the "okay for today" person would fair when tomorrow comes around. Mr Maslow ...where ya at? We might need to get you in on this. 


Maslow's Hierarchy of needs provides us with a generally accepted representation of what each individual perceives to be of personal importance at various stages of self-development. The lowest levels of the pyramid are made up of the most basic needs including food, water, sleep and warmth. Once these lower-level needs have been met, people can move on to the next level of needs, which are for safety and security. 


The middle levels of the pyramid delve further into psychological and social needs such as the need for love, friendship and intimacy. At the top level of the pyramid, the need for personal esteem and feelings of accomplishment take priority. Maslow emphasized the importance of self-actualization, which is a process of growing and developing as a person to achieve individual potential. 


***** 


One thing I've come to discover about the difference between individuality and duality when it comes to Maslow's hierarchy is that when we stand as individuals, we follow the hierarchy almost stage by stage as we grow and different things take precedence in our thoughts. But when it comes to relationships, stages seem to seize to exist. 


We still crave food, water, sleep and warmth but now we don't crave it in isolation. We look forward to candle light dinners, sleepovers, coed showers and the kind of warmth that usually only a human can stir up from the inside. Our need for safety and security gets expanded from physical to encompass emotional. Knowing someone somewhere loves you, wants you, cares about you and would do just about anything for you. You feel secure, you feel at peace like your heart has been locked away in a private vault for safe keeping. All this is evident in the need for love, friendship and intimacy which ultimately helps boost personal esteem and feelings of accomplishment. 


We dont choose partners without gauging thier ability to give us all the above. its important to a healthy relationship to having that feeling of warmth, understanding, caring and all the things that create that blanket of safety, emotional security and self-appreciation. You basically get to see yourself through another persons eyes and their willingness to care for you and love you inspite of You. Choosing that right partner allows fluid transitions between each stage as often as it needs to be revisited BUT having needs unmet and stages uncompleted is where I believe unfaithfulness plants that unpretty seed.  A relationship without warmth, intimacy, love or friendship is no relationship at all. Neither can love be love in all its splendour without food or water. 


I guess where my thoughts are heading signify a section of possibilities that suggest that when people are unfaithful, sometimes its because they are still lacking something that they crave, want or need which still leaves them feeling incomplete even though they have someone giving them 80% of what they require. 


Unfaithfulness is a choice. That's probably why its that much harder to forgive. If you didn't think about me at all before you acted, therein lies a big problem. If you thought about me long enough to still act, therein lies a bigger problem. If the thought of me or losing me, wasn't sufficient enough to stop you from acting... Then what are we doing? We shouldn't even be together. 


Communication and actions really do go hand in hand. Words backed up by actions or actions re-affirmed by words; play a huge part in an individuals feeling of safety, security, intimacy, warmth or self-appreciation. 


Have you communicated what you need? 
Have you expressed your satisfactions and dissatisfactions? 
Is he/she paying attention and willing to change? 
Can you see evidences of change /adjustment no matter how little? 
Is your happiness not worth exercising alittle more patience over? 


Nobody is perfect and more importantly nobody is telepathic. Some people do need to hear words from your lips to guide them on how to love you, care for you or be there for you. Every relationship has the honeymoon phase where no one can do any wrong and even little things can be overlooked. Why not try to recreate that with the person you have? Afterall you know what they say about old wood .... It lights quicker! Lol 


Try asking nicely for what you want or better yet, communicating your emotional turmoil in the most manly yet feminine way possible (that goes for men and women. Women scream too much so info gets lost in transit. While men go too direct. Alittle bit of emotion, less screaming and problem-solving cap is just what the doctor orders). 


If you ask and your partner responds, alittle bit or a lot, It means they care. Appreciate the effort, be the loudest screaming fan and let your appreciation encourage them to do more 


If you ask and no response ... That is still a response. It means they don't care about what you want. If you're in a position to move on then do. 


Either ways, unfaithfulness stems from a need, a need we clearly want satisfied. if you have to guide, wear bells, adorn neon signs or trafficate till your lights burn out .....I think its worth the try. Sometimes it may kill the euphoria of being given it freely but Your happiness deserves the investment of a trial. 


Just like a student chef, the master chef teaches you how to throw things together in a pot and make it work. Once you understand it and how different things react, you get adventurous and soon engage in personalized mixing and matching of pleasure spices and love potions... 


I'm sure if you gave him/her a chance, they just might serve you the dish of love in a way EVEN YOU didn't know you wanted to be served!

Elegance walking hand in hand with a lie

Love is a very many splendid things; its also a very many awkward things; and essentially downright annoying many things (at times).... But love isn't really the problem is it? Its the people doing the loving that need a slap upside their head.

 We think its funny when we hear tales of people being in-love perhaps 69 days out of 72 days of marriage and divorce shortly after saying "I do" to loving someone for the rest of their life and somehow we seem to be more inclined towards knocking the institution of marriage itself, the mockery being made of love/romance/forever-after' when we really should be angry with people not studying for the love exam and failing woefully at it costing us time, money, hopes and dreams.

 The worlds greatest excuse for this seems to be "nobody is perfect" ....... But err... Aren't imperfect people expected to still make better choices? ....... YES... CHOICES. Love is a choice; Making a choice involves careful deliberations, weighing of options and outcomes, calculating risk factors and then deciding on an investment or withdrawal. How then is it possible that weighing all your options, complete with a swot analysis that leads you down an alter where you say "I DO to forever", turns into a 72 day adventure where the "forever" clause seems to have been added purely for dramatic effect?

 It seems to be a 21st century phenomenon for lovers to be making wrong choices or perhaps right choices for wrong reasons. We all want love, we all want companionship, we want the passion, we want the thrill but what we seem to not want is "the reality" which is exactly what happens when the cloud 9's lift and we hear "mayday mayday" from watchtower.

 Its sad when you barely take time out to study peoples faults and positive attributes before taking such a leap of faith .... But you know what's even sadder? People knowing a potential issue when they see one but still thinking someone will change and make it everything 'they' want it to be ! We are elegantly walking hand in hand with a lie. We are elegantly walking hand in hand with a lie when we pass-off euphoria for love and entertain the thought that bold steps such as marriage paint the picture of what your heart desperately wants to believe is true.

 We talk the walk and proceed to walk the talk. "I love you and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you"... Then to prove it .... I actually meet you at the alter and say "I Do" butttttttt something is missing .....oh yea "Your real heart/willpower to make it so".

 If you really love someone, I wonder if 72 days is enough time to know forever is not an option. Is 72 days really the time limit on 21st century love? I'm sad for us, I'm worried for the next generation and I can't even begin to imagine what we are cooking up for 3rd Gen!

We don't seem to know what love is! If we keep mockin' bout, love is going to mean nothing to those growing up behind us. Who wants a part of something that wouldn't last, isn't reliable, trustworthy or even serious? Who? Is any human being worth dealing with longterm if all they offer is dysfunctionality and indecisiveness? I really am sad for love.

 Cupid must be on the unemployment line trying to get some benefits. The government subsidizing must really be taking a toll on the market that supplies him his potion or arrows cuz ...... Dude has been out of work for time now. Lol

 We all make choices everyday from what to wear or not to wear, which calls to answer and which to reject, which texts to respond to and which to leave hanging! I wonder why love is being left for the cat to drag in... We deserve love... Perfect love for imperfect us but WE need to want it badly enough to fight for it. We need to believe in it so much that we take time to know it more, study its curves and sample its fruit.

 We know better than to eat a half-baked cake... We are conscious enough to walk elegantly because people are watching .......... If we must walk and people do watch, why don't we choose to elegantly walk hand in hand with the truth?

 The truth is, I am imperfect and so are you.
The truth is, you're going to annoy me and I you
The truth is, I love you...all of you ... The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful
 The truth is, because I know you, all of you, my decision to love you and be with you equips me to face forever head on
The truth is, its not going to be easy but we have to make it worth it
The truth is, I can't do it alone... You've gotta come with me
The truth is, you have to want it as much as I do
 The truth is, you and I, you and then me, need to work hard
The truth is, we don't have to be reading the same lines, we just need to be on the same page
 The truth is, I have to make sacrifices because I love you
The truth is, you have to make sacrifices because you love me The truth is, time is limited, I can't let you waste mine with selfishness
 The truth is, your time is limited too, I can't waste yours with my selfishness
The truth is, perspective is a way out of circumstance
The truth is, our perspectives need to be similar but different enough for me and you to leave our comfort zones and see things from the others perspective
The truth is, love is a team sport not a one-man relay

 The truth is, we owe it to ourselves, our generation, our siblings, our specators and the unborn to elegantly walk hand in hand with the truth not only in love but in life. We deserve it. YOU deserve it!

 Human beings are imperfect...YES.. But that's the real beauty of love, it let's you navigate your way into loving an imperfect person perfectly .... :) ...if Love is worth having, it is certainyl worth fighting for

GOOD CATCH

I know this line of thinking has baffled alot of people. At some point i was one of them but getting older is a pretty amazing thing, especially when you can look at a situation and have not an "opinion" but "PERSPECTIVES".

Someone asked a question ..."why do beautiful girls date ugly men?" or vice versa.

***personally i believe we are all beautiful, some of us just need a second glance or third to be convinced..thats all***

But yes... why do you and i make a physical characteristic our sole basis of segmentation? Are we still soo far down the wisdom ladder that we still cant get passed what we see and make it up to how we feel, what we know and eventually what is right?

History has thought us that not all that glitters is gold. Wisemen have emphasized how we should never judge a book by its cover. Even laymen tell you, beauty is in the eye of the beholder... The one thing all these people have in common is the right "Perspective".

When you ask questions like "she's so ugly, how did she land a guy like that"? ..i'm forced to ask .. Does beauty make you a lovable person? Does beauty make you tolerable? Does beauty put you above the law? Does beauty have any effect on your bank account?....Hold Up...i guess in some cases it does....Lol...My bad .... rewind...........Does beauty make you lovable???????

People search for deeper connections. Similarities, characteristics that keep you intrigued and baffled, personal attributes that make you lovable, emotions that make you wonderful. beauty is on only skin deep. Your beauty doesn't affect what i look like. Waking up to a beautiful person doesnt automatically alter your appearance and make you gorgeous. What ever you possess in the looks department is YOURS to keep, use, utilize and eventually watch diminish. Does it make any sense to use the possession of a ruler as a gauge to who is great at math?

Looking forward to seeing something beautiful is something that keeps us going sometimes.But beauty isnt all there is!.

The term "Ugly" is a societal imposition that dictates what is generally acceptable as "beautiful" and what is not... People who have been branded  "ugly" or "not so pretty" i believe have reached a level of self-consciousness that so-called "beautiful people may never attain.

They know what it feels like to be judged by their cover, which makes them humble not judgemental
They know what it feels like to not fit in; which makes them care givers and nurturers who are determined to make sure people never feel the way they've been made to feel especially when around them.
They know what it feels like to really and truly be loved ...why? Because when everyone says "you're ugly" and one person in the midst of it all..... says "you're beautiful"...you dont doubt that they mean it.

Beautiful people to me get the shorter end of the stick. Your good lucks attract all kinds. You go in and out of relationships because well...beauty attracts but it doesnt keep people interested. you always second guess love and trust because you dont know if you're loved because you're hot, beautiful or sexy or if people do really like who you are underneath it all.


i'd tell you why so called "ugly people" snag the good looking ones. It's because they have "the right perspective". they dont take relationships for granted because they do not know how many more trials they have at it. They dont take people for granted because it takes a really special person to look beyond the physical and straight into internal. you never feel judged because they are too busy loving you and caring about you. You're not beautiful to them because you have perfect skin, tone and chisled abs.....you're beautiful to them because YOU recognized the beauty in them ....

I understand that not all ugly people are peaches and cream on the inside too but loving someone should never be about what you see to be a "flaw" ... Loving someone is about feeling like you can see yourself in their eyes and you're gorgeous... Loving someone is about feeling like you've found your doppleganger, your exact replica or mirror image in another.....its about knowing how to dwell on the positives and watch the negatives fade into the background. Its about being free to be you in all your element ..ugly or beautiful...who cares...when you close your eyes and night and wake up in the morning, YOU'RE STILL YOU ......

Being loved transcends all physical consciousness. If you cant see that ... you can keep sittin on that park bench watching and tallying the number of "mismatched" couples you see....while those couples are busy enjoying love, friendship and a sense of belonging in the arms of someone who CLEARLY loves them for all it is that they are ....

If somebody loves you, will they always love you ???

while working the other day, I was listening to the Whitney Houston track "Where do broken hearts go" and for some reason the minute she said the words "If somebody loves you, will they always love you ???"   And  i suddenly thought......that right there is a deeply valid question!

****(yes yes sometimes i listen to sappy songs but you cant deny the fact that that generation of singers SANG SONGS. Not sure what we do these days..perhaps "Make Music")...anyways moving on.........****

If somebody loves you, will they always love you?? i asked this question on facebook and realized alot of people   think about it enough to come up with varied scenarios why it is or isnt possible. Some attribute the 'maybe's' to change in personality and situations which could have an effect on whether or not you stay in love. Some others think it is possible because Love is choice but i must say, i think my favourite response was "Somethings are not meant to change"! ..........#Light bulb moment: Why are somethings not meant to change?

Love is a very many splendid things and it can be amazing if reciprocated but ultimately, Love is a constant choice. You make it every minute, with every word, with every thought, with every action or series of actions and most importantly, if done right, you dont even realize when you make the choice, it just comes naturally.

But what makes the question so profound and debatable is the fact that the question is never personalized.  (There's no need to ask yourself the question because you already know your personal answer)..However...the fact that you can never be sure of someone elses emotional depth or choice or actions is the reason why a question such as "if somebody loves you, will they always love you" packs a mean punch! Lets be honest, you wouldnt be asking the question if the person wasn't important to you enough for you to want to know the answer.

BUT PEOPLE CHANGE someone might argue! LIFE CHANGES THINGS i hear someone screaming! EMOTIONS ARE FICKLE someone spills out! CHANGE HAPPENS i hear a whisper!

 Truth is, change occurs! With every new piece of information we learn everyday we have subtle or earth moving changes that occur in our mindsets which affect our behaviour and ultimately could lead to positive or negative changes in the way people interact with us but here's the deal breaker! When you KNOW someone ...the kind of knowing that lets you into their central system. The values on which their character is formed, the loops they go through before a sentence is formed and how many different ways a simple word they utter can be interpreted because YOU KNOW THEM.! Isn't that arguably one of the reasons someone could tell you "they would always love you and you would believe it?"..

Actions vary, speech changes, behaviours shift but like a tree planted firmly in the ground...you dont change the roots on which your tree is formed however you go through seasons of changes where old leaves fall off and new ones show up to take their place..where branches break and another one prepped to make up for space............................ isnt it true that people discover themselves with everyday that goes by?

Truth is, i am aware that sometimes people change in directions different from the reasons we loved them in the first place and also, people through actions and lack of thoughtfulness assassinate your choice to love them but assuming none of that is the case..... i do believe that if somebody loves you, it is possible for them to always love you......especially if they love YOU the root and make updated choices to love YOU the branches and YOU the leaves.....

Trust Me Enough To Allow Me Have my Secrets

First time I heard this I felt a strange connection to it. I figured "yea, don't have your face all up in my business, just excercise some trust and know that I'm cool, I gotchu covered".

I had it up as my status for a while and the more I looked at it, the more stuff didn't add up. And as usual, the "complicant" in me.....just had to see how much I could complicate what is seemingly a simple and straight forward statement. Here's how it goes.

Trust me enough for me to have my secrets. That's as contradictory as any statement can get dont you think? If I can trust you then why do we need secrets? Infact, having secrets is the reason why I probably don't trust you isn't it?

Everything we are taught either in religion, socially, ethically or even morally tells us that "secrets hurt and honesty is the best policy".  'The truth is always bitter' people say but bitter tastes often have a way of getting washed off or replaced by other tastes or substances (overtime).

But there's something about secrets. Very interesting things actually about secrets. Secrets are like building castles in the sky for you and some other person to live in. Really, what you don't know cannot hurt you (while you don't know it) but when you do find out..... Imagine just opening the door to this wonderful castle you live in  and realizing that there's no ground beneath your feet..You're suspended in mid-air and someone has pulled the veil off your eyes just in time for you to watch yourself plunge / plummet / spiral into --------------------.

Okay...that's a little morbid but that's what secrets can do. They make you question everything you've ever known or heard come out of a persons mouth. You wonder whatelse they aren't telling you. A blink is no longer a blink, a cough is no longer a cough, 'nothing' now means 'there's something', you lend your trust out and it gets returned to you soiled.....

 But that's where secrets get a little interesting because Secrets supposedly 'protect' people too. How many times have you heard someone say "I didn't want you to worry". "I didn't want you to get upset". "You were better off not knowing".  This opinion I find abit hard to swallow because if its none of my business then by all means keep it. But if its something that directly affects me or has a bearing on me mentally, Emotionally or even physically then Its my business and automatically gives me the right to know. So that kinda offsets the secret balance abit.

There are secrets and then there are "secrets" but its a broad spectrum. I'd narrow down my thoughts to relationships. Nothing good ever comes of secrets that aren't short term in nature. e.g. Planning a suprise party, waiting a couple more weeks to say you're pregnant, or awaiting confirmation of a test result before you decide to tell or not tell your partner the diagnosis. I wouldn't even call those secrets, I'd call them "suprises" or "stalling".

If you're worried telling me your secret would make me change the way I feel about you....then it means I really didn't feel about you as much as I should In the first place. And as horrible as that sounds / is, its still my decision to make. Allow me make that decision. If its something in the past, I should be mature enough to call it what it is "past". If its in the present, it may take a little more time/maturity to fully embrace the situation but surely knowing the truth and having someone love you/ want to be with you regardless must be more satisfactory than feeling like you don't deserve every 'smile', ' I love you', or 'loving act' your partner gives because you have a
'secret'.

But then again, I think people confuse "privacy" with "secrecy". Choosing what I tell you or don't tell you about myself is "privacy" I think. While a secret is something you don't want someone to know or possibly ever find out. Admittedly, i know they walk a thin line but Sadly I understand the common denomination in both categories.

The human mind doesn't simply operate on the conscious alone. There's also the sub-conscious. What we hear when we are conscious is sometimes deeper understood or processed when we are unconscious and I think that's what most people are afraid of. If I tell you xyz about myself, would you consciously or unconsciously start to see me differently, respond to me negatively perhaps? Most people aren't willing to take that chance. Understandably so! But whether or not its the right thing to do.......I can't say. It may vary from situation to situation.

If it is constantly at the back of your mind to say something about something, .... You probably need to say something about that something. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst either ways, its probably still a better option than living a lie or being racked with guilt and never being able to enjoy to the full extent the happiness that you are being given.

Instead of "trust me enough to allow me have my secrets", maybe the right thing to say should be " I trust you enough to let you have all my secrets".

And if I don't..... Then you still have your answer anyways..
don't you?

Humans and Onions

Just like people say it's wrong to judge a book by its cover, i think its also important to think of people like onions.....Lol...okay that sounded a little wrong...but you know what i meant or you're soon to find out :)

I've come across alot of people in life who have misjudged me. Had the wrong opinion about me. Some good others kinda bad and for a long time, this really upset me but i realised....i am also guilty of the same crime.

On first glance, you never want to assume that someone's life is any different from what you see with your physical eyes. You see someone constantly flashing a smile and you think that person doesnt have a care in the world. Or you see someone spending alot of money and you think..i'd love to live that kind of life. You see someone who is dedicated to the church and could eat, sleep and breathe church if they had the chance. Then you see someone who is always the first person to work and the last person to leave and you think, that guy must really like his job. You never in a million years first think:

For the girl with smiles -------- i wonder how many tears she;s trying to fight back?
For the boy spending money --- i wonder how long he's been fighting to get some attention?
For the man dedicated to church ---- i wonder what he is searching for? or trying to get a pardon for?
For the woman always at work -- i wonder why her home doesnt feel like a home anymore?whats she avoiding?

I've met so many people who appear to have things all together on first glance...but then they give you a sneak peak into their lives and your questions take a different turn..such as "How do you keep on smiling?". People really are like onions. The more they remove their layers, the more you understand how many layers of cover-ups they have formed in order to deliver that smile you were so quick to run a commentary on.