High Risk Investment

Everyone seems to have this inbuilt mechanism that attempts to protect us from being hurt. Although inevitable, it tries. We get scared, develop cold feet and mild cases of insecurity which stops us from making our declarations from fear of being  hurt, ridiculed or most importantly...having our feelings unreciprocated.

Just a few months back, i told the object of my affection that he was and has always been a high risk investment. We had about an hour and a half heated debate on the meaning of that one lil' statement. You see, when i said it, to me, it meant "it's all or nothing". If i let you in, if you come in, you could either make me very happy or really sad. You’d have the power to do both. We could end up being terribly in love or regrettably in hate. Ofcourse i was being a lil extreme but i guess when you're laying your cards out on the table, it's always gonna be touchy touchy :).

His reasoning was this "if something is a high risk investment then that's already a red flag. No one really wants to win big or lose everything" he said. He rationalised that a 50-50 split on investment makes it automatically appear more of an attractive prospect. But you gotta understand, he's an economist and i'm in management . When you're talking about buildings and bonds and stakes, its well easy to 50-50 it. Try to make a little but not lose alot in the process, Still have a fall back option.

With emotions i didn't think you could do that because i figured it meant at any one time, you're not giving your utmost best. Just like everything else in life, the minute you think something has failed or might fail, you’ve increased the chances of that exact thing happening. You hold back because you don't want to suffer a tremendous loss. By saving yourself, you wreck your chances of getting the ultimate experience.

I honestly believe it was a compliment to him actually for me to think of him in terms of being a high risk investment and still considering putting all chips in regardless. Shows how much in sync my mind and my emotions were. Granted they were at both extremes but one looked to protect by creating a bubble while the other was trying to be a little too carefree.

I figured he Rationalised things a bit too much. He probably assumed it meant he didnt have what it took to deliver or He wanted to be a win-win investment. You see, if your mind thinks your heart is hoping a little too much, it attempts to produce you with a reality check on how quickly things could go wrong and what exactly gets lost. On the other hand, if you follow your heart, you enjoy the moment. Regardless of how much you plan or hope or wish, tomorrow is very uncertain. Today is all you have, yesterday is so far gone.

Maybe that’s what he meant by 50/50. 

Follow your mind 50% and take pre-cautions by only unravelling your cards one by one as time goes by instead of laying it all on the table. It helps to take one step at a time and see what the other person is bring as well.

Follow your heart 50% and be open to being loved and giving love a chance. Enjoying a company different from yours, learning to trust someone. Discovering who someone really is and loving them more with every discovery made.

I hate to say it….he must love to hear it…but yeah>>>YOU WERE RIGHT BABES!! Not saying I was entirely wrong but I sure needed a change in perspective :). I definitely can appreciate the fact that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sometimes 50/50 is just what the doctor ordered !!!!!

What We Crave Most in Life is a .....

Don't you wonder why chatting with someone always makes you feel somewhat better? Even if they didn't help you in anyway?...it's because just by nodding, they present you with a sense of understanding, a sense of empathy and regardless of all the clues present, your mind just accepts that its being understood. That's a thought connection.


Whether it's a family connection, work connection, friendship connection, personal connection, mental connection or emotional connection, we all seem to grasp for a sense of belonging, knowing that we are not alone in thoughts, words, minds, emotions, deeds and ideologies.

With a friendship connection, we just love the fact that we are accepted. People chose you to be a friend, think you are funny, love your sense of humor or are genuinely perplexed by how your mind works...either ways, you got people to share a laugh with, who share common interests with you and who would have your back or stand up for you when other people try to put you down. Let's call it a comrade connection.

Then you've got a family connection. Because we dont choose our families, we are just sorta born into it, you rarely find the right blend of shared interests, characteristics or opinions. This makes it a little hard to feel that connection to your family members. Just like i've heard it said countless times  by siblings "i have no choice but to love you"..:)..funny eh ! But quite true.

...Emotional connections and mental connections are very much interlinked. Often, one feeds the other. It's the most symbiotic of all connections but the most tricky. You see, i've come to realise both by my own actions and watching others that the mind and the heart do walk hand in hand. You feel, because you feel, your mind accepts, because your mind accepts, your thoughts and actions follow. You see something or someone you want. You already feel a connection and just the way nature intends it, you pursue in the hopes of gaining a better understanding about what you are feeling connected (attracted) to.

You wonder sometimes, why is it that we can never say the things we want to, to the people we want to say them to, at the times we want to say them and with the level of honesty that such a confession or declaration deserves?

When you feel connected to anyone, on the plus side, you feel lighter, like you dont have to face life alone and that you have someone you can share your life and thoughts with (friendship or relationship). On the flip side, when you feel even remotely connected to someone emotionally, your protection efforts double. You dont want to wreck a good friendship by declaring your emotions. You dont want to seem foolish incase the emotions are one-sided. You forget that everything in life comes with a risk factor. The higher the stakes, the more difficult the decision.

Someone might say, c'mon Kicki, you're being too dramatic on this one.....NOOOOOOO. Lol... You see with matters of the heart,  you only truly live once and both your mind and heart know this. You dont get back your innocence, you dont get back your openness, you dont get back your 100% confidence and you most certainly never get back your !00% trust quota assuming someone (anyone) messes with your emotions and leaves you scarred.

The thing about connections is sometimes when you understand why it exists, the dynamics behind why it thrives and why you would or would rather not do without it, you either embrace it, love it, live it or suck the life out of it and then abandon it.

I've grown to appreciate the need for connections. I understand why i need to feel connected to different people on different levels. It says alot about who you are. Shows how open or closed you are, mentally, emotionally, physically and intellectually.

• I want to feel connected intellectually because that's how information gets exchanged and you broaden your horizons.
• I want to feel connected mentally because i need to see to flaws in my thinking and how its breaking or maybe making me into a better or worse version of myself.
• I want to be connected emotionally because thats how God built me. I've got lots of love to give, it does me no good keeping it to myself but means the world to me when i get even a fraction of it in return. 
• I want to feel connected physically because well....*lets go with the description of it being an ego booster*
• I want to feel connected spiritually because it centres me. It makes me look up and respond to a higher call, understanding why i was formed and what each gift and talent i have been given is to be used for.

Without connections we would never know our potentials, 

we would never feel valued,
we would never know where we belong,

we would never know that we are 'never' alone,

we would never learn to love and accept being loved in return

What we crave Most in Life is...............A CONNECTION !!!

Is Love Really a Distraction ????

i've often heard people go through a total emotional collapse everytime they've got both something and someone to do. :)...It's like summer vacations where you meet people, fall in love for a couple of weeks and then end it because you can't juggle both him/her and work/school/family all at the same time. i dont get this....

Isn't having someone to turn to, hold on to, laugh with and share good and bad times with, the whole purpose of focusing your energy into loving just one person (at a time)?

Someone might turn around and say to me.. "when you're swamped with work or uni, you wouldn't have time to give them all the attention and love they truly deserve, which is why i would want to let go before it becomes an issue"....HA...hahhaha....someone give this guy/girl a parachute, they just want to get off...heck...do them a favour and suggest the no parachute option as well. :)...just kidding..On the real though, anyone who needs as much hand holding or cuddling or re-assurance would definitely be more of a hindrance to you anyways...

But again, it's a thing about perspective and the character or maturity of the person you're dating. feeling Love is more of a state of mind than an actual signed document. think about it, you say you love me but i can never really truly honestly know if in your heart of hearts its just words. Some folks are really great actors so they pull off doing the accompanying gestures and the stuff that makes you believe it. But can you really search someones mind and heart to know the real truth or emotions behind their words?...in my opinion...i'd say the answer to that is "NO". That's why  i said "FEELING LOVED" is more of a state of mind. it has a little to do with the sayer and everything to do with the hearer.

There's something comforting about knowing you're loved. The person may not have all the time in the world to spend with you but the 5 minutes they spare, could feel like a life time. Life doesn't give you chunks of time with which you can do what you please. As a matter of fact, if people waited for truck loads of time, nothing would ever get done. Carpe diem..You seize the moment as and when you get it.

For the busy guys/girls, you seize one minute from brushing your teeth, 5 minutes of snooze time, 2 minutes of eating time, 3 minutes of bathing time and 15 mins of television time . That's a whooping 25 mins you've got to communicate with those you love, say hi, find out how they are doing, remind them that even in the busiest of times/schedules, you still think about them enough to make out this time for them.

Someone would again point out "That's the problem, having to juggle a busy schedule and yet still having to make room for one more"...hehehe....for this guy/girl, buy them a parrot !! :). Dont think they realise how selfish such a statement is...news flash...ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU !

On the plus side, i think love gives us more focus than it does distract. You find yourself wanting to be a better person that your love interest would be proud of. You push yourself because you know its what they expect of you. You want to be better, brighter, smarter...just so you've got good feedback. Being in love is having someone to be accountable to. Someone who would be there to remind you about why you do what you do incase you forget it in the hustle and bustle of your life. It's having someone who knows you enough to encourage you when they can see your strength waning. It's having someone who shares your dream so you don't have to feel alone or do it all by yourself.

oohh...what joy when you cross each individual milestone in your life and you can look back and you see a glaring smile from the one you love, letting you know that even though you didn't believe it, they were there to believe it for you. "I always knew you could do it" they'd say.

I think Life is not an individual race as we'd like to think it is. Struggles are personal but life....life encompasses everything that happens around you, including those happening around you. If you can deal with nagging lecturers and friends who party all night then you've got time for love. If you can deal with those annoying work buddies whom you've got no choice but to share your coffee break with, then you've got time for love. If you've got things you set aside for your personal time just so you have something for you, then you've got time for love. You don't realise it but you make sacrifices everyday. You do things reluctantly because its expected of you by someone else.  You make choices that favour someone else but inconveniences you slightly because its a habit. Why does a love sacrifice have to be nay different?

You always make time for the things you care about, including football matches and trips to the salon. Why not love? Why is it a distraction when you have to focus attention on someone else and yet a necessity when its your own personal ish being sorted?

My opinion is simple. Having someone love you whom you love in return is never a distraction. Its what keeps you grounded. Its what encourages you to be a better person. It is what motivates you to do a little better than you usually would do. It's an integral part of having a well balanced emotional and mental life.

LOVE TRIANGLES

I found an old diary entry from about 7 years ago where i was sooooo adamant that only greedy, selfish people fall into the trap of love triangles. i read it and nearly pissed myself laughing. it's strange how when you're younger, matters of the heart come in black and white and as you get older, it either becomes a grey area or a full blown rainbow..Lol..:)


i already laughed at myself so feel free to do the same. This was my logic:


"Do love triangles really exist? personally, i think people who get stuck in love triangles are just greedy.........they cant make up thier minds becuase they haven't accepted the fact that they can't have everything they want........

if two guys for exmaple, had the same characteristics, mannerisms, attitudes and dress sense, it would be a no brainer...............i would simply pick the one who is best at being Him.


But if they are both different and excel in their different spheres......i have to search deep within myself and determine what i actually want and need..whoever suits that cause best, is whom i should choose right?

But people get to lazy and prefer to lie to themselves than to face the reality of knowing that what they need is totally differnt form what they want!..."

i negelcted one very simple and foundation shattering fact...NO HUMAN BEING IS A BOX..People are allowed to have more than four sides to them. If i have 8 sides and you've got 8 sides, some other lad has another 10 sides....thats alot of sides to be choosing from. Throw in a few more variables such as those individual qualities that make each of us unique, experiences that have shaped or deformed us, characteristics that we've developed dealing with the numerous people we've had to deal with in our lives, environments we've grown up in, luxuries or necessities we've been forced to do without, .............etc.

All of the above shape the who we become, What we see, how we see it, the way we react to it and how much we learn from or through it! It's impossible to weigh two individuals because i guess truly, even if they pass through the same tunnels, experiences and reactions are going to differ.

Does that mean love triangles dont exist?>>>THEY SURE DO. But not in the way i had once imagined.

Sometimes you appreciate a little something in someone who is totally different from you or different from what you would have chosen. You are drawn in by a certain characteristic that you long to possess (or admire knowing you wouldnt have what it takes to carry it).

I guess really, if people were all the same spec then it would be easier to just select the updated model. i wish matters of the heart were that simple! ..sigh :(

i think the only time love triangles really do exist is when you're torn between two worlds. Different people, different things to offer, different experiences, different emotions being evoked. That's really what gets you torn. The fact that you've got different delicacies infront of you but you can only sample one lest you risk sending mixed signals to your taste buds and end up not enjoying either of the two.

In the end,  think i still have the same end note. And that is, it simply boils down to choice. Doing a balancing act between What we need over what we want

.Shiny objects always catch your attention but you still gotta ask yourself : can i afford it? Do i have what it takes to maintain it? would i get hurt by it? if its delicate, am i the right person to care for it?

Ulitmately, in case you missed it, the main point of this note is simply....I DON DEY OLD......matters are starting to get a lil grey with glimpses of rainbow rays...lol, and if you understand anything you've read above, you're no tad pole yourselft....:p :)

CLOSENESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DISTANCE

Yesterday, was walking down the tunnel for the London Underground service and saw this really massive wall poster that just simply said "Closeness has nothing to do with distance".....and i thought to myself, THAT'S |DEEP. It got me thinking:


How many times have we said 'no' to long distance relationships because we think without constant monitoring people wouldnt stay faithful or be as dear to our hearts as we want them to be?


How many friendships have fizzled out because people think proximity has anything to do with how loyal your friends are to you? and whether they would still be there for you when you need them the most?


How many families are torn apart because husbands and wives are separated for long periods of time on business trips and all of a sudden one or both of them come up with the "we've just grown apart" theory?


Closeness is defined as people/objects:

1. Bound by mutual interests, loyalties, or affections; intimate: close
    friends.

2. Being near in space or time. See Usage Note at redundancy.

3. Being near in relationship: close relatives.

4. Having little or no space between elements or parts; tight and compact

Sounds to me like closeness has nothing to do with proximity but everything to do with ones state of mind and ensuring people that are special stay special in your heart and mind.


When he says he loves me..even though i havent seen him in 2 years, do i believe him?....Sure you can. As a matter of fact, thats probably more of a demonstration of love than someone who sees you everyday and confuses lust with love. Actually, come to think of it, he could still be lusting after you from afar...hmmm.....oh well...you get the point. If someone can lust after you or love you regardless of whether or not they are getting to stroke your hair on the regular, then it is also very possible that they can love you and keep you a very special point in their lives. I've got friends, loved ones and a very certain loved one ;) that distance has nothing to do with how close i feel to them. i still love them, i still care about them, i would still pluck your eye balls out and replace it with a ball of fire back into your eye sockets if you mess with them.....


Are we all in the same country?...once upon a time we were, Would we ever be in the same country all at the same time every again? ...maybe, maybe not. Would time change us so much that we may not even want to be together again?...our individual mindsets can cause that to happen. Would it be the same?...probably not. Would we still be close regardless?...only YOU and I can decide that. and if all else fails....we'd always have 'BLACKBERRY's'....LOL

SEASONS

i was having a discussion with my brother just a couple hours ago and it was amazing to discover that most of the friends we have, we've known for about 14 years. You look back and you wonder....how in the world did time pass by so quickly and why on earth has this person not run me down with his/her car... :)

And you begin to travel down memory lane. You try to discover just when it was you met his friend. what were you doing? Did you like them? if not, when did all that change? How many different directions did life pull you and how did you manage to stay close. Was it something about you or was it something them?

What really determines a friendship? is it the fact that you see each other everyday and have established a co-existence out of habit? Or is it that we unconsciously have secret things we admire about each one of our friends that we keep them around for just so some of it could rub off on us overtime? abit of both maybe???

In every human being, we are taught to appreciate things about them. Everyone brings something unique to every table. As a matter of fact, its definitely possible that even in the negative, there's a positive to be learnt or gained. aahhhhhhhh......that has set of a whole mental process lol....

A very wise person (i say 'person' because i honestly cant remember who said it....LOL>>>dont laugh...i know you do the same :) ).................a very wise person once said "true friendship doesnt need the life support of everyday phone calls and hangouts to be true......a true friendship exists when even a few years could pass but when you meet or talk, its just like you only missed a day or 2. I initially didn't quite agree with that. I always figured true friendship is the ability to share your everyday life with the person or people and for them to know all the details so when you're making a joke out of it much later, everyone knows whats up.

i guess age kinda humbles your thinking after a while because sometimes its really not about the little details but about the big picture. Would they be there for you when you need them? Would they catch you if you fell? could you trust them with one or all of your priced possessions? have they contributed to your growth as an individual in anyway? can you vouch for them and would they vouch for you? ofcourse all these questions apply both ways in testing the viability if 'your' friendship as well.

some people are only in your life for a season (Madea). They come in because their strengths or weaknesses are suppose to help you or help them in some way. vice versa. But they are those good old faithfuls / reliables that fit into whatever weather. they are there when you need them, absent if you dont, reliable regardless and would always be there if and when you needed them.

ofcourse friendship is not all about what you can get...but i'd be lying if i said its not part of it. friendship is a silent exchange agreement. You give and you gain. Thats why i dont call people friends lightly. it's an important title to me. it's important that i chose my friends wisely and its an honor to be chosen as a friend by someone.

i have actually been blessed with some of the best friends in the world. i never saw it coming but there it is. Writing this note has actually woken up the urge to let these special people know that they matter to me.