I had it up as my status for a while and the more I looked at it, the more stuff didn't add up. And as usual, the "complicant" in me.....just had to see how much I could complicate what is seemingly a simple and straight forward statement. Here's how it goes.
Trust me enough for me to have my secrets. That's as contradictory as any statement can get dont you think? If I can trust you then why do we need secrets? Infact, having secrets is the reason why I probably don't trust you isn't it?
Everything we are taught either in religion, socially, ethically or even morally tells us that "secrets hurt and honesty is the best policy". 'The truth is always bitter' people say but bitter tastes often have a way of getting washed off or replaced by other tastes or substances (overtime).
But there's something about secrets. Very interesting things actually about secrets. Secrets are like building castles in the sky for you and some other person to live in. Really, what you don't know cannot hurt you (while you don't know it) but when you do find out..... Imagine just opening the door to this wonderful castle you live in and realizing that there's no ground beneath your feet..You're suspended in mid-air and someone has pulled the veil off your eyes just in time for you to watch yourself plunge / plummet / spiral into --------------------.
Okay...that's a little morbid but that's what secrets can do. They make you question everything you've ever known or heard come out of a persons mouth. You wonder whatelse they aren't telling you. A blink is no longer a blink, a cough is no longer a cough, 'nothing' now means 'there's something', you lend your trust out and it gets returned to you soiled.....
But that's where secrets get a little interesting because Secrets supposedly 'protect' people too. How many times have you heard someone say "I didn't want you to worry". "I didn't want you to get upset". "You were better off not knowing". This opinion I find abit hard to swallow because if its none of my business then by all means keep it. But if its something that directly affects me or has a bearing on me mentally, Emotionally or even physically then Its my business and automatically gives me the right to know. So that kinda offsets the secret balance abit.
There are secrets and then there are "secrets" but its a broad spectrum. I'd narrow down my thoughts to relationships. Nothing good ever comes of secrets that aren't short term in nature. e.g. Planning a suprise party, waiting a couple more weeks to say you're pregnant, or awaiting confirmation of a test result before you decide to tell or not tell your partner the diagnosis. I wouldn't even call those secrets, I'd call them "suprises" or "stalling".
If you're worried telling me your secret would make me change the way I feel about you....then it means I really didn't feel about you as much as I should In the first place. And as horrible as that sounds / is, its still my decision to make. Allow me make that decision. If its something in the past, I should be mature enough to call it what it is "past". If its in the present, it may take a little more time/maturity to fully embrace the situation but surely knowing the truth and having someone love you/ want to be with you regardless must be more satisfactory than feeling like you don't deserve every 'smile', ' I love you', or 'loving act' your partner gives because you have a
'secret'.
But then again, I think people confuse "privacy" with "secrecy". Choosing what I tell you or don't tell you about myself is "privacy" I think. While a secret is something you don't want someone to know or possibly ever find out. Admittedly, i know they walk a thin line but Sadly I understand the common denomination in both categories.
The human mind doesn't simply operate on the conscious alone. There's also the sub-conscious. What we hear when we are conscious is sometimes deeper understood or processed when we are unconscious and I think that's what most people are afraid of. If I tell you xyz about myself, would you consciously or unconsciously start to see me differently, respond to me negatively perhaps? Most people aren't willing to take that chance. Understandably so! But whether or not its the right thing to do.......I can't say. It may vary from situation to situation.
If it is constantly at the back of your mind to say something about something, .... You probably need to say something about that something. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst either ways, its probably still a better option than living a lie or being racked with guilt and never being able to enjoy to the full extent the happiness that you are being given.
Instead of "trust me enough to allow me have my secrets", maybe the right thing to say should be " I trust you enough to let you have all my secrets".
don't you?
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