F.W.B

Nothing intrigues me like the concept of FWB ! One might say its an escape hatch for commitment phobics, some might say its designed to increase the level of promiscuity in the society, the last few would probably just say it further adds to the diminishing moral standards in the world.

What do i think?.....hmmmm ...let me see !...............I THINK ITS A STROKE OF GENIUS !

Why?

Simple because FWB is not for the simpleton. Its not for people with exceedingly low emotional intelligence. Neither is it for people who are only just "discovering themselves". FWB is soo much more than that.  It takes a certain level of introspectiveness to pull it off. It's not at all selfish in its ways and more importantly, it could save someone's life from a whirl pool of heart break. i'm sure you're wondering what i am babbling on about but hopefully , clarity is just around the corner.

When you look at the world and the number of failed relationships there are out there...you have to step back and ask: 1.) is it because people dont know what they want? 2.) is it because people get too much of what they want? 3.) Is it because people dont know themselves well enough to know what works and what wouldnt? 4.) Is it because too often, too many couples are on different pages of the same book?

Well... FWB is about all of the above. The concept simply exists because some people are honest with themselves and know enough about themselves to know what they can give and are liable to receive. They understand the difference between love and hate, lust and love, physical attraction and emotional connection, playing a game and being the game, commitment and undecisiveness....the comparisons go on and on and on...

Not all friends can become lovers, not all lovers are friends. Some friends do end up becoming lovers while others...stay friends with the occasional lovers role play :). Contrary to popular belief, thats a very difficult bridge to cross. Too often some people fall too deep, some dont fall at all, sometimes a friendship gets abandoned because they've tried being lovers and it just didnt work out.....which brings me back to my earlier point about not everyone being able to pull off being a full fledged FWB !.

Unfortunately i can't say anymore about the subject because there's a certain code of conduct that must be preserved. All i can is the world could learn a great deal from FWB's. Their level of personal understanding is extremely enlightening.

Don't be Selfish

if i were to describe men in one word, my first choice would be "selfish". if i had to chose another word, i'd go with "clueless". If you gave me a third shot, i reckon "unnecessarily complicated". This is not a male bashing piece in any form....i got too many wonderful men in my life to be one-track but i just have to know if there's anyone out there who has ever wondered or thought the way am thinking right now.

When i say men are selfish, i don't mean they are go-getters who stop at nothing to accomplish their goals...i say selfish because men seem to honestly believe that words without actions should mean something to us just because we are female. I reckon they think "if i say i love you, that should tide her over for while"....and i wouldnt need to make sacrifices that "cramp my style".

Thats when you notice that common courtesy's such as responding to a text message, phone call or even email seems like a girl is asking for too much. She complains so he says "Oh my God, just because i dont email you doesnt mean i wasn't or haven't been thinking about you"......news flash guys: "Thoughts don't bless people......words +actions DO"

is it too much for someone you are suppose to care about to reach out to you for some affection? is it wrong for someone who loves you on purpose to look forward to receiving some of that love back? is it wrong for anyone to ask you to make them feel special every now and again.....?

I'd tell you why you see it as such a task....because "you are selfish". If you can't take a minute out of your day to say "hi"...or even ask "how are you doing".....you're selfish. if you know someone cares about you and values anything you give to them....and you cant step outside yourself for a second to say "Just thought about you so said to say hi"...you're selfish. If all you do is receive lovely calls, text messages, emails that put a smile on your face and yet you think a smiley face sent to her blackberry messenger counts for something..."you're selfish".

Caring about someone is not a tug of war. It's not a chore that you grumble about having to do. As a matter of fact, if she even needs to ask you for it....then it means someone has only been thinking about themselves far too long. If you really dont care about her or want her to care about you....say it. Do what you have to do till she gets it.....but please oo please ...o please for the love of God.....Don't say you care about someone if all you ever do is take take take...

As females, you already know we work by words of affirmation and acts of service. if you say you care, we expect you to show you care...if we have to ask you to care...how do you think that makes us feel? needing to ask someone to care for us?... The one person you care about takes you for granted! When we ask you to do things for us, so we can smile and feel loved by you, you cuss...act like we are asking for too much, feeling you've done enough or alot...you cant possibly give anymore....what were you thinking ???

You've totally ignored the second rule: "You need to love people the way they want to be loved". Love is not about you...it not about you getting what you get....its about you giving way more than you are receiving. It's about agreeing to think of someone else before you think about yourself. i know women can be selfish and very self-seeking too........but that is not an okay sign to ignore what you have a responsibility to.

Someone who loves you and cares about you by choice........that's not a joke. it's not something to play about with. Do you know how many people walk around looking for someone to love them, care about, show them that they want and need them????................And here you are, getting someones precious time and emotions for free and you cant step aside from yourself long enough to show appreciation ... especially because you want it to continue.

People who love and care about you by choice....are not always going to be there if you keep acting like its your right. You are an investment that needs to yield returns otherwise you become a dead end. Don't take someone's ''emotions''...if you don't intend to give them the full benefit of yourself.....Don't be Selfish !!

Me, Myself and I....Say "Hi"

It's not very often you find a trifecta like me. You can often predict which ME was responsible for what when it comes to the stuff i do....almost like a first, second, third position after a race....Lol

It's a wonderful thing when you discover the departments you've got functioning in that little brain of yours. It amazing how::

1. you could watch south park and laugh at the crude jokes even though they should be offensive. 
2. you watch a horror movie and relate to both the victim and murderer. 
3. You watch a cartoon and wonder for a minute or less how much easier life would be if you could just live in a place like jellyStone Park with Yogi and Booboo, pinching picnic baskets. 
4. Then you watch a romantic movie and you feel someones hestitation, passion and emotions. 
5. You watch a heart wrenching drama and you're reduced to tears, feeling every pain like it were yours to endure, catching every breadth like it were yours to release. 
6. Haven't you ever wondered why your mind does that to you?

The answer is quite simple "BECAUSE IT CAN". You are a never ending stream of nerves, emotions and thoughts. You don't always have to understand a thing before you really understand a thing. That's why you can be casual and then serious. Aloof and then in tune. Worried and then faire-laissez. You've got different emotions for different seasons. A different you to face every woo! 

When it comes to my trifecta, Scholars refer to it as "Emotional Intelligence" , scientists refer to it as "projection",  other academics use words like "perceptive"....i...just call it "acceptance". 

"I accept that there are alot of me's running around in my head and based on the situation infront of me,

 the specialist "me", captains the ship."-------Kicki

Every study shows that the more you understand about yourself, the better you get at handling people and situations. Even organisations have started including emotional intelligence steps into decision making processes. That's how important it is in building a climate/ an environment conducive enough for growth and minimal conflicts.

              I don't think it wrong for me to admit to having different facets to myself. We all have to tap into different parts of ourselves to deal with situations. Sometimes you need your less grumpy side, other times you need your stern side but almost every time, you need you "have it all together" side, just to function. 

             When it comes to personal happiness, why shouldn't we be capable of choosing which "us" comes out to play?. When it comes to love, why can't we tap into the strength and the courage we know is there. When it comes to anger, why do we treat it as a tornado instead of a kid who needs a time-out? When it comes to forgiveness,  why don't we look for the kid within us who doesn't hold a grudge or remember a wrong? 

            But embracing all the you's that are in you, really is the first step to living life as YOU. You may think i'm a fruity loop for some of the things i do but to be honest, in a strange way..it is what keeps me grounded. You cant always take yourself seriously. Some of my actions are totally unjustifiable and down right ridiculous....but the fact that i can laugh about it, and you can laugh about it too...only means "We have a winner"........"ME"....in second place "Myself"...and third place "I".

 I am mature enough to know the difference between situations that require absolute seriousness, those that require both seriousness and relaxation, and others that require.....well....."letting the dogs run loose in the yard".  In life's individual coping race...i've got  "GOLD, SILVER and BRONZE"......How about you?

Life is so hard, people in life make things so hard, everyday could be potentially hard and for the better half of time, things seem so so hard. With such hardness floating around, i reckon as often as we can get it, we should have a breadth of fresh air. Who says I CANNOT BE MY OWN BREADTH OF FRESH AIR ?!

When "Me" fails, 

"Myself" takes over. 

!I" steps in as a back-up plan

.......And you guys know what "I" get up to..... wink* wink* :)

Still a Confirmed Chicken !!!

So, second half of my week, unlike the other disaster, this one turned out quite good. Depending on how you look at it that is ;).

A friend of mine, has been liking this girl from afar...over 10 months worth of liking. Always watched as she talked to people, loving the smile she gave them, listening to the voice while she spoke to them, ....okay yea,,,sounds kinda stalker-ish but..that's not the moral of the story :).

For some reason, he decided yesterday was the day he was going to ask her out. Waited until class was over and i have never seen a grown man pace the floor as much as he did. You gotta understand, dude is someone i would describe as very sarcastic  but funny, nice but withdrawn, interesting but quite dark... :). All remarkable qualities especially for him. i've never seen him so unsure of himself...ever.... He turned pink in his nose, his cheeks, his hands, his neck........and he looks like a polar bear on a normal day, so he looked wwayyy cute while having his panic attack. :)

he felt like "NO..i cant do this...forget about it...what was i thinking..."....and there i was shouting..."common..you can do it.....Bad Boy: ride or die !....You only have shot, make it count......! ...You make never get this opportunity!...carpe Diem !!!" i swear i used every cliche statement i could think of. Ofcourse it didn't help that people kept on stopping her to say a few words which kept stopping him in his tracks and making me do over-time.....

Finally....she was alone. He jogged up to her...called out her name...and she stopped. Now this is my recall from a spectator point of view...i dont read minds or lips....but my mind couldn't resist acting the movie..

Hi "~"...How are you?
she says "i'm fine thanks. havent seen you around in a while. where have you been hiding"
He says "not hiding, jsut admiring  from afar"
she "blushes"...looks down at her shoes briefly as she swings her body back and forth
he continues "after this semester, we'd be done for good. any plans....?"
she says "well, i'm thinking of xyz but i guess not set in stone yet"
He says "so i was wondering "~", would you like to have coffee sometime?...i know we havent had a chance to chat much but i would really be happy if you'd say say"
she blushes again "sure, i'd like that very much. okay well, it was nice chatting with you"
He says "my pleasure. see you next week"

They both say bye and head in opposite directions.

However, i was briefed later on ..and this was how it actually played out !!!

He shouts out her name "#"
she turns around
she says "how do you know my name?"
he says "we've been having the same class since january in ## and ##"
she says "oh"
he says "i was wondering if you'd like to have coffee sometime"
she says "sure"

They both say bye and head in opposite directions.

Now..... i didnt realize that  errmmm..well..he had never said a word to her before that day and that......he knew she may say yes to coffee but chances of the day ever happening a re kinda 0-1  but i couldnt help but admire his courage.

I felt his heart before he spoke to her...and i swear it was fighting to get out of his chest. it really is a nerve wrecking experience when you step out of yourself for a minute, brace your fears and just put yourself out there. At some point when i was delivering my cliche speech, he said to me "it's easier said than done"...Boy is he right.

it was soo easy for me to say...."Fuck it..just do it...what's the worst that could happen?"... but i am far too much of a chicken to follow my own advice. He saw someone he liked. He knew something may or may not come out of it...but he decided even if it was for a minute, it was worth it....for her to look him straight in the eye, talk to HIM, Look at HIM, see HIM and offer a smile at HIM-----for a minute. It was certainly worth every 60 second of it. You gotta love his bravery.

The chicken in me has never faced such a worthy fear. One reason is that i've probably never liked someone enough for such a reason to apply. On second thoughts, even though that statement could once have been true, i do like someone...and as easy as we flow and talk and laugh.....the chicken in me, just refuses to hatch.

Some might call it fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, unwillingness to be vulnerable, indecisiveness about what is expected or should be the outcome of such confession...the list goes on and on and on and on.......  but i still appreciate braveness when i see it....and look forward to the day where i can step out of myself....and finally brace uncertainty...hoping in a strange way, uncertainty braces me back or atleast offers me a pillow...!!!

Still a Counts as good advice right???

Today, ..or this week atleast (not quite sure what day today is), i did something good....."i think". This week was certainly a week of uncertainties. My brain was working overtime, my body was just double-time..hehe.....lets just say it was the wrong-est week for someone to be asking me for any kind of credible or justifiable advice. However, some people did......and here's how it went...!

Having a splitting headache for 3 days is not all its cracked up to be. High on pain-killers and coke to keep up energy levels....Some guy decides he's had enough of his girlfriends bad breadth and comes whining to me. After about an hour of not paying attention, i say to him..."why dont you just tell her?" ....He laughed, said yea...like thats gonna happen. I said "oh well...i'm not the one kissing raw fish"....ouch..i know it was mean and uncalled for but more importantly, i think i didnt realize the significance of the kind of picture that one statement paints.

Think about it, anyone who is likened to raw fish should really really really take offense. it smells and takes forever to get the stench off.  i wanted him to shut up so bad.....Anyways..there was must be something about having a migraine, speaking in a low toned voice, with as little words as possible that makes you sound "SMART"...... i only started paying attention because 1.) i felt bad about what i had just blurted out  (2.) the guy (to my amazement), was in deep thought. He threw in a couple of shivers and i went "OH BOY !!!!"

Talk about bad timing, she walks through the university doors and he instantly gets up and walks up to her...again i go "OH BOY"....next thing i see and hear....is a "swap" and an "ouch"...... and well she walks off....storms back out actually....Guess uni was out of the question that day. He walks off in the opposite direction and with my head pounding...i'm still trying to figure out....."surely, none of that is my fault"...It still counts as  good advice right??