FIRST KISS

Not entirely sure what the original context of this issue is but the general theme seems to be "you never forget your first kiss". I know some of us are big romantic saps and would much rather roll with sentiments than not have anything to hold on to. As nice as that is, the issue of the first kiss is one i'm sure millions of other people would agree with me on.

Contrary to popular belief, you may not forget your first kiss but you never forget the others after that either. If you really want to be sentimental about the entire experience then here's a thought.........If no 2 people are the same and everyone is composed very differently from the other, wouldn't that mean that every kiss you share with someone new would be a "First Kiss" ?

The concept being, You may know what its like to kiss in a general sense but you do not know what its like kissing that particular person. It could be great, it could be really bad, it could be mediocre but its not really only about the lips touching.

Everything that leads up to touching lips is where the magic happens. Your thoughts, your emotions, your nervousness, your excitement, your fear, your longing and i guess your imagination. I'm quite sure we don't repeat fantasies using different actors/actresses, we kinda switch it up a little depending on who we are fantasizing about which automatically provides variety making every fantasy different and a first on that level. Which means our level of expectations before kissing someone for the first time automatically acts as a catalyst for a new and varied experience.

Unfortunately the theory concludes as a repeat occurrence suggests that it no longer counts as a first kiss between you and the person... By why bother with numbers right?...First, second, third, fourth...Think of ot like money, it only gets better the more digits you add right?

Grief !!

Sometimes life throws you some certain blows that leave you staggering in pain but most importantly immobilized by shock, paralysed by fear of the unknown and ridiculed by the very thoughts coursing through your brains.

You look up at the offender and you cant see past your pain, all you feel is anger and the wishful thinking that you could be a little more superhuman and drag him into the depths of despair that it so willingly dragged you into, crawling out in victory with your trophy on your right arm shouting, "Don't ever try that again".

Alas, this is not the time for your mind to be playing tricks on you, the pain wrenching your gut is all too real for this to be a comic book. So you reach down into your voice looking for strength and courage, you open your mouth but can only mutter through tears of agony..."why"?..."why me", "why him", "why her", "why now"? You ask "Couldn't you have missed your target by a quarter of an inch and given us more time to block or  duck?" Your questions don't make sense, the answers produce more confusion that clarity. You think to yourself, "i would never be able to stand again, this pain is just too much" !

Nothing ever prepares you for such a blow where you are singed down with a belly full of regret, moments that should have lasted longer, a life that should have been lived better, a tomorrow that doesn't look so possible any more and life ahead that has to be lived with an non-refillable hole.

How is it possible for one to have so many tears? How can breathing that was once so natural be so painful all of a sudden? How can one simple thought reduce you to joy, then sadness then grief then blankness? Suddenly familiar smells turn into memories, memories turn into pain and pain turns into tears. What is it about this blow that totally changes you? One single blow and everything you thought you ever knew has a question mark? Everyone you ever took for granted suddenly seems more valuable. People you never understood suddenly become transparent like you can see right through them.

You begin to notice sadness behind smiles, you know the difference between tears of joy and tears of pain, pictures become painful to look at, movies stab you in the heart, songs make you silent and only praying helps you sleep. NOO...This is no ordinary blow. Infact i'm starting to think someone ripped my heart out. i dont understand it. Why i am still breathing and yet feel so empty and blank inside? What is this? It's called "Grief".

Grief...Does it ever go away? NO. i dont think it does. But at some point it changes. Not certain whether its a conscious decision you make from not liking the feeling of being stabbed by every thought or whether time indeed helps you forget a little. I guess the weight of it all changes. Time probably turns it into something you can crawl under or possibly carry around like a brick in your pocket. After a while you forget about it and then you reach down into your pocket for something and there it would be. Sometimes it'd awful, other times it's wouldn't. I guess i'd have to let you know if that time ever comes.

One thing is for sure, whether in grief or in joy, memories are all you have at the end of the day. You learn to treasure them, through joy and through pain. In grief or in brief.

F.W.B

Nothing intrigues me like the concept of FWB ! One might say its an escape hatch for commitment phobics, some might say its designed to increase the level of promiscuity in the society, the last few would probably just say it further adds to the diminishing moral standards in the world.

What do i think?.....hmmmm ...let me see !...............I THINK ITS A STROKE OF GENIUS !

Why?

Simple because FWB is not for the simpleton. Its not for people with exceedingly low emotional intelligence. Neither is it for people who are only just "discovering themselves". FWB is soo much more than that.  It takes a certain level of introspectiveness to pull it off. It's not at all selfish in its ways and more importantly, it could save someone's life from a whirl pool of heart break. i'm sure you're wondering what i am babbling on about but hopefully , clarity is just around the corner.

When you look at the world and the number of failed relationships there are out there...you have to step back and ask: 1.) is it because people dont know what they want? 2.) is it because people get too much of what they want? 3.) Is it because people dont know themselves well enough to know what works and what wouldnt? 4.) Is it because too often, too many couples are on different pages of the same book?

Well... FWB is about all of the above. The concept simply exists because some people are honest with themselves and know enough about themselves to know what they can give and are liable to receive. They understand the difference between love and hate, lust and love, physical attraction and emotional connection, playing a game and being the game, commitment and undecisiveness....the comparisons go on and on and on...

Not all friends can become lovers, not all lovers are friends. Some friends do end up becoming lovers while others...stay friends with the occasional lovers role play :). Contrary to popular belief, thats a very difficult bridge to cross. Too often some people fall too deep, some dont fall at all, sometimes a friendship gets abandoned because they've tried being lovers and it just didnt work out.....which brings me back to my earlier point about not everyone being able to pull off being a full fledged FWB !.

Unfortunately i can't say anymore about the subject because there's a certain code of conduct that must be preserved. All i can is the world could learn a great deal from FWB's. Their level of personal understanding is extremely enlightening.

Don't be Selfish

if i were to describe men in one word, my first choice would be "selfish". if i had to chose another word, i'd go with "clueless". If you gave me a third shot, i reckon "unnecessarily complicated". This is not a male bashing piece in any form....i got too many wonderful men in my life to be one-track but i just have to know if there's anyone out there who has ever wondered or thought the way am thinking right now.

When i say men are selfish, i don't mean they are go-getters who stop at nothing to accomplish their goals...i say selfish because men seem to honestly believe that words without actions should mean something to us just because we are female. I reckon they think "if i say i love you, that should tide her over for while"....and i wouldnt need to make sacrifices that "cramp my style".

Thats when you notice that common courtesy's such as responding to a text message, phone call or even email seems like a girl is asking for too much. She complains so he says "Oh my God, just because i dont email you doesnt mean i wasn't or haven't been thinking about you"......news flash guys: "Thoughts don't bless people......words +actions DO"

is it too much for someone you are suppose to care about to reach out to you for some affection? is it wrong for someone who loves you on purpose to look forward to receiving some of that love back? is it wrong for anyone to ask you to make them feel special every now and again.....?

I'd tell you why you see it as such a task....because "you are selfish". If you can't take a minute out of your day to say "hi"...or even ask "how are you doing".....you're selfish. if you know someone cares about you and values anything you give to them....and you cant step outside yourself for a second to say "Just thought about you so said to say hi"...you're selfish. If all you do is receive lovely calls, text messages, emails that put a smile on your face and yet you think a smiley face sent to her blackberry messenger counts for something..."you're selfish".

Caring about someone is not a tug of war. It's not a chore that you grumble about having to do. As a matter of fact, if she even needs to ask you for it....then it means someone has only been thinking about themselves far too long. If you really dont care about her or want her to care about you....say it. Do what you have to do till she gets it.....but please oo please ...o please for the love of God.....Don't say you care about someone if all you ever do is take take take...

As females, you already know we work by words of affirmation and acts of service. if you say you care, we expect you to show you care...if we have to ask you to care...how do you think that makes us feel? needing to ask someone to care for us?... The one person you care about takes you for granted! When we ask you to do things for us, so we can smile and feel loved by you, you cuss...act like we are asking for too much, feeling you've done enough or alot...you cant possibly give anymore....what were you thinking ???

You've totally ignored the second rule: "You need to love people the way they want to be loved". Love is not about you...it not about you getting what you get....its about you giving way more than you are receiving. It's about agreeing to think of someone else before you think about yourself. i know women can be selfish and very self-seeking too........but that is not an okay sign to ignore what you have a responsibility to.

Someone who loves you and cares about you by choice........that's not a joke. it's not something to play about with. Do you know how many people walk around looking for someone to love them, care about, show them that they want and need them????................And here you are, getting someones precious time and emotions for free and you cant step aside from yourself long enough to show appreciation ... especially because you want it to continue.

People who love and care about you by choice....are not always going to be there if you keep acting like its your right. You are an investment that needs to yield returns otherwise you become a dead end. Don't take someone's ''emotions''...if you don't intend to give them the full benefit of yourself.....Don't be Selfish !!

Me, Myself and I....Say "Hi"

It's not very often you find a trifecta like me. You can often predict which ME was responsible for what when it comes to the stuff i do....almost like a first, second, third position after a race....Lol

It's a wonderful thing when you discover the departments you've got functioning in that little brain of yours. It amazing how::

1. you could watch south park and laugh at the crude jokes even though they should be offensive. 
2. you watch a horror movie and relate to both the victim and murderer. 
3. You watch a cartoon and wonder for a minute or less how much easier life would be if you could just live in a place like jellyStone Park with Yogi and Booboo, pinching picnic baskets. 
4. Then you watch a romantic movie and you feel someones hestitation, passion and emotions. 
5. You watch a heart wrenching drama and you're reduced to tears, feeling every pain like it were yours to endure, catching every breadth like it were yours to release. 
6. Haven't you ever wondered why your mind does that to you?

The answer is quite simple "BECAUSE IT CAN". You are a never ending stream of nerves, emotions and thoughts. You don't always have to understand a thing before you really understand a thing. That's why you can be casual and then serious. Aloof and then in tune. Worried and then faire-laissez. You've got different emotions for different seasons. A different you to face every woo! 

When it comes to my trifecta, Scholars refer to it as "Emotional Intelligence" , scientists refer to it as "projection",  other academics use words like "perceptive"....i...just call it "acceptance". 

"I accept that there are alot of me's running around in my head and based on the situation infront of me,

 the specialist "me", captains the ship."-------Kicki

Every study shows that the more you understand about yourself, the better you get at handling people and situations. Even organisations have started including emotional intelligence steps into decision making processes. That's how important it is in building a climate/ an environment conducive enough for growth and minimal conflicts.

              I don't think it wrong for me to admit to having different facets to myself. We all have to tap into different parts of ourselves to deal with situations. Sometimes you need your less grumpy side, other times you need your stern side but almost every time, you need you "have it all together" side, just to function. 

             When it comes to personal happiness, why shouldn't we be capable of choosing which "us" comes out to play?. When it comes to love, why can't we tap into the strength and the courage we know is there. When it comes to anger, why do we treat it as a tornado instead of a kid who needs a time-out? When it comes to forgiveness,  why don't we look for the kid within us who doesn't hold a grudge or remember a wrong? 

            But embracing all the you's that are in you, really is the first step to living life as YOU. You may think i'm a fruity loop for some of the things i do but to be honest, in a strange way..it is what keeps me grounded. You cant always take yourself seriously. Some of my actions are totally unjustifiable and down right ridiculous....but the fact that i can laugh about it, and you can laugh about it too...only means "We have a winner"........"ME"....in second place "Myself"...and third place "I".

 I am mature enough to know the difference between situations that require absolute seriousness, those that require both seriousness and relaxation, and others that require.....well....."letting the dogs run loose in the yard".  In life's individual coping race...i've got  "GOLD, SILVER and BRONZE"......How about you?

Life is so hard, people in life make things so hard, everyday could be potentially hard and for the better half of time, things seem so so hard. With such hardness floating around, i reckon as often as we can get it, we should have a breadth of fresh air. Who says I CANNOT BE MY OWN BREADTH OF FRESH AIR ?!

When "Me" fails, 

"Myself" takes over. 

!I" steps in as a back-up plan

.......And you guys know what "I" get up to..... wink* wink* :)

Still a Confirmed Chicken !!!

So, second half of my week, unlike the other disaster, this one turned out quite good. Depending on how you look at it that is ;).

A friend of mine, has been liking this girl from afar...over 10 months worth of liking. Always watched as she talked to people, loving the smile she gave them, listening to the voice while she spoke to them, ....okay yea,,,sounds kinda stalker-ish but..that's not the moral of the story :).

For some reason, he decided yesterday was the day he was going to ask her out. Waited until class was over and i have never seen a grown man pace the floor as much as he did. You gotta understand, dude is someone i would describe as very sarcastic  but funny, nice but withdrawn, interesting but quite dark... :). All remarkable qualities especially for him. i've never seen him so unsure of himself...ever.... He turned pink in his nose, his cheeks, his hands, his neck........and he looks like a polar bear on a normal day, so he looked wwayyy cute while having his panic attack. :)

he felt like "NO..i cant do this...forget about it...what was i thinking..."....and there i was shouting..."common..you can do it.....Bad Boy: ride or die !....You only have shot, make it count......! ...You make never get this opportunity!...carpe Diem !!!" i swear i used every cliche statement i could think of. Ofcourse it didn't help that people kept on stopping her to say a few words which kept stopping him in his tracks and making me do over-time.....

Finally....she was alone. He jogged up to her...called out her name...and she stopped. Now this is my recall from a spectator point of view...i dont read minds or lips....but my mind couldn't resist acting the movie..

Hi "~"...How are you?
she says "i'm fine thanks. havent seen you around in a while. where have you been hiding"
He says "not hiding, jsut admiring  from afar"
she "blushes"...looks down at her shoes briefly as she swings her body back and forth
he continues "after this semester, we'd be done for good. any plans....?"
she says "well, i'm thinking of xyz but i guess not set in stone yet"
He says "so i was wondering "~", would you like to have coffee sometime?...i know we havent had a chance to chat much but i would really be happy if you'd say say"
she blushes again "sure, i'd like that very much. okay well, it was nice chatting with you"
He says "my pleasure. see you next week"

They both say bye and head in opposite directions.

However, i was briefed later on ..and this was how it actually played out !!!

He shouts out her name "#"
she turns around
she says "how do you know my name?"
he says "we've been having the same class since january in ## and ##"
she says "oh"
he says "i was wondering if you'd like to have coffee sometime"
she says "sure"

They both say bye and head in opposite directions.

Now..... i didnt realize that  errmmm..well..he had never said a word to her before that day and that......he knew she may say yes to coffee but chances of the day ever happening a re kinda 0-1  but i couldnt help but admire his courage.

I felt his heart before he spoke to her...and i swear it was fighting to get out of his chest. it really is a nerve wrecking experience when you step out of yourself for a minute, brace your fears and just put yourself out there. At some point when i was delivering my cliche speech, he said to me "it's easier said than done"...Boy is he right.

it was soo easy for me to say...."Fuck it..just do it...what's the worst that could happen?"... but i am far too much of a chicken to follow my own advice. He saw someone he liked. He knew something may or may not come out of it...but he decided even if it was for a minute, it was worth it....for her to look him straight in the eye, talk to HIM, Look at HIM, see HIM and offer a smile at HIM-----for a minute. It was certainly worth every 60 second of it. You gotta love his bravery.

The chicken in me has never faced such a worthy fear. One reason is that i've probably never liked someone enough for such a reason to apply. On second thoughts, even though that statement could once have been true, i do like someone...and as easy as we flow and talk and laugh.....the chicken in me, just refuses to hatch.

Some might call it fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, unwillingness to be vulnerable, indecisiveness about what is expected or should be the outcome of such confession...the list goes on and on and on and on.......  but i still appreciate braveness when i see it....and look forward to the day where i can step out of myself....and finally brace uncertainty...hoping in a strange way, uncertainty braces me back or atleast offers me a pillow...!!!

Still a Counts as good advice right???

Today, ..or this week atleast (not quite sure what day today is), i did something good....."i think". This week was certainly a week of uncertainties. My brain was working overtime, my body was just double-time..hehe.....lets just say it was the wrong-est week for someone to be asking me for any kind of credible or justifiable advice. However, some people did......and here's how it went...!

Having a splitting headache for 3 days is not all its cracked up to be. High on pain-killers and coke to keep up energy levels....Some guy decides he's had enough of his girlfriends bad breadth and comes whining to me. After about an hour of not paying attention, i say to him..."why dont you just tell her?" ....He laughed, said yea...like thats gonna happen. I said "oh well...i'm not the one kissing raw fish"....ouch..i know it was mean and uncalled for but more importantly, i think i didnt realize the significance of the kind of picture that one statement paints.

Think about it, anyone who is likened to raw fish should really really really take offense. it smells and takes forever to get the stench off.  i wanted him to shut up so bad.....Anyways..there was must be something about having a migraine, speaking in a low toned voice, with as little words as possible that makes you sound "SMART"...... i only started paying attention because 1.) i felt bad about what i had just blurted out  (2.) the guy (to my amazement), was in deep thought. He threw in a couple of shivers and i went "OH BOY !!!!"

Talk about bad timing, she walks through the university doors and he instantly gets up and walks up to her...again i go "OH BOY"....next thing i see and hear....is a "swap" and an "ouch"...... and well she walks off....storms back out actually....Guess uni was out of the question that day. He walks off in the opposite direction and with my head pounding...i'm still trying to figure out....."surely, none of that is my fault"...It still counts as  good advice right??

"THOUGHT OVERDOSE"

Have you ever gone into a string of thoughts that led you down an endless tunnel of what if's, how comes, should n't it be, i thought it meant....?????????? Gosh, that has to be the worst form of self punishment ever.

Ofcourse, you never truly criticise your own intentions and motives because you already know what your thought process was and exactly what you meant when you said what you said. Thought overdoses mostly occur when we are trying to understand what someone else meant by saying what they said.

You read meanings into the little-lest of words and often turn to an amateur "Master Yoda" using your untrained jedi mind-tricks to re-enact someones thought processes. After alls been said and done, you end up with your very own low budget re-enactment movie on what someone could have meant or what they supposedly did mean by something they said..even if it was a simple "Thank You"...

Let me try to paint a clearer picture. Someone you care about says "Thanks". You then begin to criticise the phrase "Thanks". Was it a casual thanks? Was in an indifferent thanks? Was it an "i cant be a dick and not say anything so i'd just say something 'thanks' "?

Then someone else says "Thank You"....You begin think, how sweet, the person may really like it. "Thank You is more personalised than the above thanks"..you'd say.

Then one random body says "Ta very much"..and you could think...i guess the person has had to say Thank you so much today they've just decided to shorten it...

Worst yet, they say "Thanks"..and then add your name afterwards "Thanks Yemi"....Your mind starts telling you, it felt so corporate i think i had to be wearing a suit to have received it.

Bet you didnt know a simple "Thank You" could be broken down into soo many dimensions....Lol

Some of us think too much. We let our minds run am-mock and it pretty much makes us act the fool.

We know we cant fully understand the reasonings or meanings behind what somebody says but sometimes we are so caught up in our thoughts that we cant rationalise and separate what we want and what we got.
A "Thank You" is a "Thank You".................okay well maybe not, because then we'd have to get into the tone of voice used to say it and other facial expressions and body language signs.....:)

Arrrrggggghhhhhhhh.......am back to square one arent i????? Maybe what i should just say is "Dont go looking for hidden meanings into things"... You really stand a very good chance of finding something..either real or in your own head....either ways, it ain't gonna be pretty :)

Words are usually just words. A combination of letters put together to make reference. Could mean alot, could mean very little. Whatever it means to you .... it means to YOU !!

LIE TO ME

Soz, i've been watching this TV show "lie to me" and i think its wowed me, baffled me and then simply annoyed me. The show is about a guy who reads micro-expressions in people to know when they are lying or telling the truth. He also has a team of specialists, one being a psychologist who understands verbal communication and uses body language and choice of words to validate somebody's story, another who is born with the natural gift of intuition ..then some guy who....well i dunno what he does exactly but he's cute so he slides. A little eye candy never hurt anyone :).

I dont hate the show itself but i do kinda find myself trying to see if i could gauge people's reactions just by watching a few too many episodes of the show back to back :) and.......to be really honest....I HATE THAT. It really must be a sad sad life when you know people abit too much simply because you're looking for those minute details that confirm one thing or the other (Truth or Lie). It must suck the fun right out of life eh?

What would become of mystery? what would become of "giving the benefit of a doubt", what become of the word "trust", "white lies" would definitely be put out of business...

As much as i hate to admit it, it seems like lying every now and again kinda sorta has its way of contributing to making the world go round. I'd sure hate to always see right through people and lose that power of choice (believe or not believe :))........

Well this is an open ended post to say the least but its a thought..and before this moment, i never thought i'd ever say the words "Lie to Me".. "and just pray i don't see right through it" in fine print :)...Lol

High Risk Investment

Everyone seems to have this inbuilt mechanism that attempts to protect us from being hurt. Although inevitable, it tries. We get scared, develop cold feet and mild cases of insecurity which stops us from making our declarations from fear of being  hurt, ridiculed or most importantly...having our feelings unreciprocated.

Just a few months back, i told the object of my affection that he was and has always been a high risk investment. We had about an hour and a half heated debate on the meaning of that one lil' statement. You see, when i said it, to me, it meant "it's all or nothing". If i let you in, if you come in, you could either make me very happy or really sad. You’d have the power to do both. We could end up being terribly in love or regrettably in hate. Ofcourse i was being a lil extreme but i guess when you're laying your cards out on the table, it's always gonna be touchy touchy :).

His reasoning was this "if something is a high risk investment then that's already a red flag. No one really wants to win big or lose everything" he said. He rationalised that a 50-50 split on investment makes it automatically appear more of an attractive prospect. But you gotta understand, he's an economist and i'm in management . When you're talking about buildings and bonds and stakes, its well easy to 50-50 it. Try to make a little but not lose alot in the process, Still have a fall back option.

With emotions i didn't think you could do that because i figured it meant at any one time, you're not giving your utmost best. Just like everything else in life, the minute you think something has failed or might fail, you’ve increased the chances of that exact thing happening. You hold back because you don't want to suffer a tremendous loss. By saving yourself, you wreck your chances of getting the ultimate experience.

I honestly believe it was a compliment to him actually for me to think of him in terms of being a high risk investment and still considering putting all chips in regardless. Shows how much in sync my mind and my emotions were. Granted they were at both extremes but one looked to protect by creating a bubble while the other was trying to be a little too carefree.

I figured he Rationalised things a bit too much. He probably assumed it meant he didnt have what it took to deliver or He wanted to be a win-win investment. You see, if your mind thinks your heart is hoping a little too much, it attempts to produce you with a reality check on how quickly things could go wrong and what exactly gets lost. On the other hand, if you follow your heart, you enjoy the moment. Regardless of how much you plan or hope or wish, tomorrow is very uncertain. Today is all you have, yesterday is so far gone.

Maybe that’s what he meant by 50/50. 

Follow your mind 50% and take pre-cautions by only unravelling your cards one by one as time goes by instead of laying it all on the table. It helps to take one step at a time and see what the other person is bring as well.

Follow your heart 50% and be open to being loved and giving love a chance. Enjoying a company different from yours, learning to trust someone. Discovering who someone really is and loving them more with every discovery made.

I hate to say it….he must love to hear it…but yeah>>>YOU WERE RIGHT BABES!! Not saying I was entirely wrong but I sure needed a change in perspective :). I definitely can appreciate the fact that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sometimes 50/50 is just what the doctor ordered !!!!!

What We Crave Most in Life is a .....

Don't you wonder why chatting with someone always makes you feel somewhat better? Even if they didn't help you in anyway?...it's because just by nodding, they present you with a sense of understanding, a sense of empathy and regardless of all the clues present, your mind just accepts that its being understood. That's a thought connection.


Whether it's a family connection, work connection, friendship connection, personal connection, mental connection or emotional connection, we all seem to grasp for a sense of belonging, knowing that we are not alone in thoughts, words, minds, emotions, deeds and ideologies.

With a friendship connection, we just love the fact that we are accepted. People chose you to be a friend, think you are funny, love your sense of humor or are genuinely perplexed by how your mind works...either ways, you got people to share a laugh with, who share common interests with you and who would have your back or stand up for you when other people try to put you down. Let's call it a comrade connection.

Then you've got a family connection. Because we dont choose our families, we are just sorta born into it, you rarely find the right blend of shared interests, characteristics or opinions. This makes it a little hard to feel that connection to your family members. Just like i've heard it said countless times  by siblings "i have no choice but to love you"..:)..funny eh ! But quite true.

...Emotional connections and mental connections are very much interlinked. Often, one feeds the other. It's the most symbiotic of all connections but the most tricky. You see, i've come to realise both by my own actions and watching others that the mind and the heart do walk hand in hand. You feel, because you feel, your mind accepts, because your mind accepts, your thoughts and actions follow. You see something or someone you want. You already feel a connection and just the way nature intends it, you pursue in the hopes of gaining a better understanding about what you are feeling connected (attracted) to.

You wonder sometimes, why is it that we can never say the things we want to, to the people we want to say them to, at the times we want to say them and with the level of honesty that such a confession or declaration deserves?

When you feel connected to anyone, on the plus side, you feel lighter, like you dont have to face life alone and that you have someone you can share your life and thoughts with (friendship or relationship). On the flip side, when you feel even remotely connected to someone emotionally, your protection efforts double. You dont want to wreck a good friendship by declaring your emotions. You dont want to seem foolish incase the emotions are one-sided. You forget that everything in life comes with a risk factor. The higher the stakes, the more difficult the decision.

Someone might say, c'mon Kicki, you're being too dramatic on this one.....NOOOOOOO. Lol... You see with matters of the heart,  you only truly live once and both your mind and heart know this. You dont get back your innocence, you dont get back your openness, you dont get back your 100% confidence and you most certainly never get back your !00% trust quota assuming someone (anyone) messes with your emotions and leaves you scarred.

The thing about connections is sometimes when you understand why it exists, the dynamics behind why it thrives and why you would or would rather not do without it, you either embrace it, love it, live it or suck the life out of it and then abandon it.

I've grown to appreciate the need for connections. I understand why i need to feel connected to different people on different levels. It says alot about who you are. Shows how open or closed you are, mentally, emotionally, physically and intellectually.

• I want to feel connected intellectually because that's how information gets exchanged and you broaden your horizons.
• I want to feel connected mentally because i need to see to flaws in my thinking and how its breaking or maybe making me into a better or worse version of myself.
• I want to be connected emotionally because thats how God built me. I've got lots of love to give, it does me no good keeping it to myself but means the world to me when i get even a fraction of it in return. 
• I want to feel connected physically because well....*lets go with the description of it being an ego booster*
• I want to feel connected spiritually because it centres me. It makes me look up and respond to a higher call, understanding why i was formed and what each gift and talent i have been given is to be used for.

Without connections we would never know our potentials, 

we would never feel valued,
we would never know where we belong,

we would never know that we are 'never' alone,

we would never learn to love and accept being loved in return

What we crave Most in Life is...............A CONNECTION !!!

Is Love Really a Distraction ????

i've often heard people go through a total emotional collapse everytime they've got both something and someone to do. :)...It's like summer vacations where you meet people, fall in love for a couple of weeks and then end it because you can't juggle both him/her and work/school/family all at the same time. i dont get this....

Isn't having someone to turn to, hold on to, laugh with and share good and bad times with, the whole purpose of focusing your energy into loving just one person (at a time)?

Someone might turn around and say to me.. "when you're swamped with work or uni, you wouldn't have time to give them all the attention and love they truly deserve, which is why i would want to let go before it becomes an issue"....HA...hahhaha....someone give this guy/girl a parachute, they just want to get off...heck...do them a favour and suggest the no parachute option as well. :)...just kidding..On the real though, anyone who needs as much hand holding or cuddling or re-assurance would definitely be more of a hindrance to you anyways...

But again, it's a thing about perspective and the character or maturity of the person you're dating. feeling Love is more of a state of mind than an actual signed document. think about it, you say you love me but i can never really truly honestly know if in your heart of hearts its just words. Some folks are really great actors so they pull off doing the accompanying gestures and the stuff that makes you believe it. But can you really search someones mind and heart to know the real truth or emotions behind their words?...in my opinion...i'd say the answer to that is "NO". That's why  i said "FEELING LOVED" is more of a state of mind. it has a little to do with the sayer and everything to do with the hearer.

There's something comforting about knowing you're loved. The person may not have all the time in the world to spend with you but the 5 minutes they spare, could feel like a life time. Life doesn't give you chunks of time with which you can do what you please. As a matter of fact, if people waited for truck loads of time, nothing would ever get done. Carpe diem..You seize the moment as and when you get it.

For the busy guys/girls, you seize one minute from brushing your teeth, 5 minutes of snooze time, 2 minutes of eating time, 3 minutes of bathing time and 15 mins of television time . That's a whooping 25 mins you've got to communicate with those you love, say hi, find out how they are doing, remind them that even in the busiest of times/schedules, you still think about them enough to make out this time for them.

Someone would again point out "That's the problem, having to juggle a busy schedule and yet still having to make room for one more"...hehehe....for this guy/girl, buy them a parrot !! :). Dont think they realise how selfish such a statement is...news flash...ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU !

On the plus side, i think love gives us more focus than it does distract. You find yourself wanting to be a better person that your love interest would be proud of. You push yourself because you know its what they expect of you. You want to be better, brighter, smarter...just so you've got good feedback. Being in love is having someone to be accountable to. Someone who would be there to remind you about why you do what you do incase you forget it in the hustle and bustle of your life. It's having someone who knows you enough to encourage you when they can see your strength waning. It's having someone who shares your dream so you don't have to feel alone or do it all by yourself.

oohh...what joy when you cross each individual milestone in your life and you can look back and you see a glaring smile from the one you love, letting you know that even though you didn't believe it, they were there to believe it for you. "I always knew you could do it" they'd say.

I think Life is not an individual race as we'd like to think it is. Struggles are personal but life....life encompasses everything that happens around you, including those happening around you. If you can deal with nagging lecturers and friends who party all night then you've got time for love. If you can deal with those annoying work buddies whom you've got no choice but to share your coffee break with, then you've got time for love. If you've got things you set aside for your personal time just so you have something for you, then you've got time for love. You don't realise it but you make sacrifices everyday. You do things reluctantly because its expected of you by someone else.  You make choices that favour someone else but inconveniences you slightly because its a habit. Why does a love sacrifice have to be nay different?

You always make time for the things you care about, including football matches and trips to the salon. Why not love? Why is it a distraction when you have to focus attention on someone else and yet a necessity when its your own personal ish being sorted?

My opinion is simple. Having someone love you whom you love in return is never a distraction. Its what keeps you grounded. Its what encourages you to be a better person. It is what motivates you to do a little better than you usually would do. It's an integral part of having a well balanced emotional and mental life.

LOVE TRIANGLES

I found an old diary entry from about 7 years ago where i was sooooo adamant that only greedy, selfish people fall into the trap of love triangles. i read it and nearly pissed myself laughing. it's strange how when you're younger, matters of the heart come in black and white and as you get older, it either becomes a grey area or a full blown rainbow..Lol..:)


i already laughed at myself so feel free to do the same. This was my logic:


"Do love triangles really exist? personally, i think people who get stuck in love triangles are just greedy.........they cant make up thier minds becuase they haven't accepted the fact that they can't have everything they want........

if two guys for exmaple, had the same characteristics, mannerisms, attitudes and dress sense, it would be a no brainer...............i would simply pick the one who is best at being Him.


But if they are both different and excel in their different spheres......i have to search deep within myself and determine what i actually want and need..whoever suits that cause best, is whom i should choose right?

But people get to lazy and prefer to lie to themselves than to face the reality of knowing that what they need is totally differnt form what they want!..."

i negelcted one very simple and foundation shattering fact...NO HUMAN BEING IS A BOX..People are allowed to have more than four sides to them. If i have 8 sides and you've got 8 sides, some other lad has another 10 sides....thats alot of sides to be choosing from. Throw in a few more variables such as those individual qualities that make each of us unique, experiences that have shaped or deformed us, characteristics that we've developed dealing with the numerous people we've had to deal with in our lives, environments we've grown up in, luxuries or necessities we've been forced to do without, .............etc.

All of the above shape the who we become, What we see, how we see it, the way we react to it and how much we learn from or through it! It's impossible to weigh two individuals because i guess truly, even if they pass through the same tunnels, experiences and reactions are going to differ.

Does that mean love triangles dont exist?>>>THEY SURE DO. But not in the way i had once imagined.

Sometimes you appreciate a little something in someone who is totally different from you or different from what you would have chosen. You are drawn in by a certain characteristic that you long to possess (or admire knowing you wouldnt have what it takes to carry it).

I guess really, if people were all the same spec then it would be easier to just select the updated model. i wish matters of the heart were that simple! ..sigh :(

i think the only time love triangles really do exist is when you're torn between two worlds. Different people, different things to offer, different experiences, different emotions being evoked. That's really what gets you torn. The fact that you've got different delicacies infront of you but you can only sample one lest you risk sending mixed signals to your taste buds and end up not enjoying either of the two.

In the end,  think i still have the same end note. And that is, it simply boils down to choice. Doing a balancing act between What we need over what we want

.Shiny objects always catch your attention but you still gotta ask yourself : can i afford it? Do i have what it takes to maintain it? would i get hurt by it? if its delicate, am i the right person to care for it?

Ulitmately, in case you missed it, the main point of this note is simply....I DON DEY OLD......matters are starting to get a lil grey with glimpses of rainbow rays...lol, and if you understand anything you've read above, you're no tad pole yourselft....:p :)

CLOSENESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DISTANCE

Yesterday, was walking down the tunnel for the London Underground service and saw this really massive wall poster that just simply said "Closeness has nothing to do with distance".....and i thought to myself, THAT'S |DEEP. It got me thinking:


How many times have we said 'no' to long distance relationships because we think without constant monitoring people wouldnt stay faithful or be as dear to our hearts as we want them to be?


How many friendships have fizzled out because people think proximity has anything to do with how loyal your friends are to you? and whether they would still be there for you when you need them the most?


How many families are torn apart because husbands and wives are separated for long periods of time on business trips and all of a sudden one or both of them come up with the "we've just grown apart" theory?


Closeness is defined as people/objects:

1. Bound by mutual interests, loyalties, or affections; intimate: close
    friends.

2. Being near in space or time. See Usage Note at redundancy.

3. Being near in relationship: close relatives.

4. Having little or no space between elements or parts; tight and compact

Sounds to me like closeness has nothing to do with proximity but everything to do with ones state of mind and ensuring people that are special stay special in your heart and mind.


When he says he loves me..even though i havent seen him in 2 years, do i believe him?....Sure you can. As a matter of fact, thats probably more of a demonstration of love than someone who sees you everyday and confuses lust with love. Actually, come to think of it, he could still be lusting after you from afar...hmmm.....oh well...you get the point. If someone can lust after you or love you regardless of whether or not they are getting to stroke your hair on the regular, then it is also very possible that they can love you and keep you a very special point in their lives. I've got friends, loved ones and a very certain loved one ;) that distance has nothing to do with how close i feel to them. i still love them, i still care about them, i would still pluck your eye balls out and replace it with a ball of fire back into your eye sockets if you mess with them.....


Are we all in the same country?...once upon a time we were, Would we ever be in the same country all at the same time every again? ...maybe, maybe not. Would time change us so much that we may not even want to be together again?...our individual mindsets can cause that to happen. Would it be the same?...probably not. Would we still be close regardless?...only YOU and I can decide that. and if all else fails....we'd always have 'BLACKBERRY's'....LOL

SEASONS

i was having a discussion with my brother just a couple hours ago and it was amazing to discover that most of the friends we have, we've known for about 14 years. You look back and you wonder....how in the world did time pass by so quickly and why on earth has this person not run me down with his/her car... :)

And you begin to travel down memory lane. You try to discover just when it was you met his friend. what were you doing? Did you like them? if not, when did all that change? How many different directions did life pull you and how did you manage to stay close. Was it something about you or was it something them?

What really determines a friendship? is it the fact that you see each other everyday and have established a co-existence out of habit? Or is it that we unconsciously have secret things we admire about each one of our friends that we keep them around for just so some of it could rub off on us overtime? abit of both maybe???

In every human being, we are taught to appreciate things about them. Everyone brings something unique to every table. As a matter of fact, its definitely possible that even in the negative, there's a positive to be learnt or gained. aahhhhhhhh......that has set of a whole mental process lol....

A very wise person (i say 'person' because i honestly cant remember who said it....LOL>>>dont laugh...i know you do the same :) ).................a very wise person once said "true friendship doesnt need the life support of everyday phone calls and hangouts to be true......a true friendship exists when even a few years could pass but when you meet or talk, its just like you only missed a day or 2. I initially didn't quite agree with that. I always figured true friendship is the ability to share your everyday life with the person or people and for them to know all the details so when you're making a joke out of it much later, everyone knows whats up.

i guess age kinda humbles your thinking after a while because sometimes its really not about the little details but about the big picture. Would they be there for you when you need them? Would they catch you if you fell? could you trust them with one or all of your priced possessions? have they contributed to your growth as an individual in anyway? can you vouch for them and would they vouch for you? ofcourse all these questions apply both ways in testing the viability if 'your' friendship as well.

some people are only in your life for a season (Madea). They come in because their strengths or weaknesses are suppose to help you or help them in some way. vice versa. But they are those good old faithfuls / reliables that fit into whatever weather. they are there when you need them, absent if you dont, reliable regardless and would always be there if and when you needed them.

ofcourse friendship is not all about what you can get...but i'd be lying if i said its not part of it. friendship is a silent exchange agreement. You give and you gain. Thats why i dont call people friends lightly. it's an important title to me. it's important that i chose my friends wisely and its an honor to be chosen as a friend by someone.

i have actually been blessed with some of the best friends in the world. i never saw it coming but there it is. Writing this note has actually woken up the urge to let these special people know that they matter to me.